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You might be interested in this ted talk, it touches upon this subject 6+ minutes in, but the whole thing is interesting.

http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph...

Reminds me of a good talk by Alain de Botton highlighting the nasty side of believing we live in a meritocracy whilst ignoring the role of chance.

http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph...

⬐ return0

That's a great talk. Meritocracy doesn't really exist, but it's good to strive for it.

"There is a real correlation between a society that tells people that you can do anything and the existence of low self esteem."

5:20 @ http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph...

⬐ nostromo

Thanks, that was a very interesting talk.

While not specifically about the american dream I do remember finding this ted talk by Alain de Botton quite interesting http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph...

"... How many people make a serious commitment to becoming a billionaire, research how to do it, manage their time, and actively try? I'll wager - not too many try, and quite a lot of those who seriously try succeed...."

Success or failure that is earned ignores the reality of an individuals station in life ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtSE4rglxbY [0] As for money, "be careful what you wish for". [0] Alain de Botton: "A kinder, gentler philosophy of success" TED 2009 ~ http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph...

Also, make sure you're pursuing your own definition of success and not one you picked up from somebody else: http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph...

(De Botton's books on these and similar subjects are worth a read)

Not directly related to shyness but I think this video might possibly help:

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_g...

I think it's important to remember that most people are insecure in some way, it's just that different people show it differently. So maybe the loud extroverted guy is really scared to.

Good luck with stuff, work on it and you will improve. This is not something you're stuck with, it's just a hard work to sort it out.

"... So I'll just say this: Any developer worth their salt could find a job within 24 hours of being in this city. ..."

By ascribing success to meritocracy, you also by definition ascribe failure to lack of merit or application. This is platently false. The failure here is to not recognise that merit isn't the only reason for being employed, unempolyed and underemployed. [0]

[0] "A kinder, gentler philosophy of success": http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph...

Sounds like the TED talk from Alain de Botton where he talks about the old days when we saw a homeless person on the street and considered them among the "less fortunate."

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_g...

I think it's pretty bad if their parents and teachers let "College boy" believe that for so long. This [TED talk](http://ted.com/talks/lang/eng/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentl...) might be of interest.

⬐ adrianwaj

de Botton: Snobbery is taking a small part of someone and judging them in their entirety by it.

It is an intensely ugly trait.

⬐ adrianwaj

_why's most fave'd tweet:

"when you don't create things, you become defined by your tastes rather than ability. your tastes only narrow & exclude people. so create."

⬐ butterfi

Thanks to whoever posted this! I've been agonizing over my career for years and have only just started to realize the truth (and beauty) in what he's saying.

⬐ wyw

I'd like to second that. Unfortunately we can only vote once. But this talk is now tied with Jill Bolte Taylor's as my favorite Ted talk. Thanks for posting.

⬐ concretecode

Interesting. I'd tie de Botton's with Liz Gilbert's talk (http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html) for first.

For those that haven't seen it, it's really worth your time. Her speech skims across the surface of several ideas, and in the last few minutes comes together into an elegant and cohesive whole. I wish I could speak like that.

⬐ Emore

I love this kind of TED talks.

One of Alain's main arguments was that the "kinder, gentler" philosophy of success should partly be based on the negative implications of meritocracy, i.e. "if you are at the bottom, you deserve to be there and thus you're a looser". But to meritocracy's defense -- isn't it more fair to say that "if you are at the bottom, you can with an effort pull yourself out of there"? And thus "merit" a better position in the social hierarchy?

For me, once anyone at the bottom make the slightest effort to rise, they are instantly rising in social hierarchy. Thus, it's all up to themselves, and it's all based on a choice. Make a decision, and merit follows.

I'm not sure what I want to say with this argument. But somehow, the criticism forwards meritocracy seemed a little shallow in the talk.

⬐ gregwebs

It is easy to interpret some of what he said as a criticism of meritocracy, but I don't believe there was any. I think what he was trying to say is that meritocracy is great, but we often use the concept to justify cruel attitudes or judgments.

⬐ fburnaby

In fact, he took the pains to make it clear that he politically supports meritocracy during his talk. So, yes.

⬐ prpon

Good arguments. Anything taken to the extreme is bound to have negative implications, including meritocracy.

I would disagree about how much choice we have once you are down and out. I would like to think otherwise but I'm where I am because of where I was born, my family, friends and circumstances. May be some choices I've made here and there might have made a difference. On the other hand, I've know so many people who were much smarter than I will ever be, end up in bad social standing because of the things I've mentioned like family.and circumstances.

⬐ mrbgty

I don't think he was saying meritocracy equals bad. It's more like he's saying look, here are some effects of meritocracy that we should consider

⬐ davidw

One distinction that is useful is looking at things in absolute terms or in terms of rankings. In a ranking system, someone is always going to come out the winner, and someone on the bottom. At the Tour de France, someone wins, a bunch of other guys don't, and someone comes in last, even though they are all extremely talented and fast cyclists. In business, someone might make the most money, but most people doing good work create value for society, and increase total wealth, without it necessarily being at the cost of someone else.

In other words, ranking systems and contests are zero sum games, whereas plenty of other things are not.

⬐ nazgulnarsil

status is a zero sum game, while the economy is not. one can't generally create status without lowering the status of those around you, the same is not true for wealth.

⬐ DenisM

Is that realy so? Can we create system where person A is realy good at X, and person B is really good at Y, and thus both are respected (and respecting each other)?

In other words, can we make satuts into a partially-ordered set?

⬐ nazgulnarsil

not as long as demand for attractive women far outpaces supply.

⬐ diN0bot

to some extent. wealth and the economy are complex systems with limited resources.

⬐ 10ren

There's a great cartoon about how status is zero-sum, but technological improvement is not: Two voices come from a futuristic building, complaining that no matter how much technological process, not everyone is happy, because their happiness is based on being "better" than others, and not on absolute improvement.

"Yeah. And that's where we come in," complains one voice sadly.

"But on the other hand, in what other era could a toaster and a coffee pot even be having this conversation?" reasons the other.

⬐ wallflower

"A lot of times our ideas of what it is like to live successfully are not our own. If you're a man, your father. If you're a woman, your mother.. We are highly open to suggestion. We should be truly the authors of our own ambitions. It is bad enough to not get what you want but even worse to find out at the end of the journey that what you got is not what you wanted."

"That problem is envy. If there is one dominant emotion in modern society - that is envy. And it's linked to the spirit of equality. We don't envy the Queen of England...because we can't relate to her... And when you can't relate to somebody, you don't envy them. The closer two people are in age, in background, in the process of identification, the more there is a danger of envy... Which is why you should never go to the same school but.. The problem of modern society is it turns the whole world into a school - everybody is wearing jeans and the same and yet they're not."

"One of the reasons we fear failure... is the judgment and ridicule of others. The number one organ of ridicule is the newspaper... they have failed and they are described as losers."

"We tend to worship ourselves. Our heroes are human heroes. Most other societies have had at that center something that is transcendent. A God, a spirit, a natural force, the universe"

-Alian de Botton

⬐ brown9-2

Really liked this.

For anyone who has read Alain de Botton: Could you recommend some of his books? I'm really interested in checking out his work after watching this.

⬐ jgrahamc

I have just finished reading "The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work" which I thought was fantastic. Particularly the chapter where he follows a high voltage electricity line across southern England until it disappears underground in London. He walks with a man who's a 'pylon geek' essentially and it's wonderful.

⬐ davidw

I read that one recently too. I liked it... something pleasantly British about it (I don't know how else to describe it).

⬐ riklomas

I really enjoyed reading The Consolations of Philosophy by him:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Consolations_of_Philosophy

⬐ donalm

Try The Art of Travel.

⬐ agbell

Art of Travel is an excellent book. It contains a great story of a man who decided that planning for traveling is superior to actually traveling and many other great little gems.

⬐ gojomo

I once picked up de Botton's "How Proust can change your Life" in an airport impulse purchase; found it disappointing. But based on others' positive reviews of his other works, I might check those out.

⬐ Erwin

Looks like everyone has a different AdB favourite. I think I enjoyed "On Love" most.

⬐ stepherm

I've only read "The Architecture of Happiness", but I really enjoyed it.

⬐ wyw

This talk is derived from his book "Status Anxiety" as is the documentary of the same name which is available on Youtube in low quality:

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=336D8AE0334C5C91

⬐ tome

I learned a huge amount from reading this book. I bought it second hand for perhaps 3 pounds. If it had cost 100 pounds it would still have been worth it for the gems I got out of it!

⬐ spitfire

Tyler Brulé of Monocle did an interview with Alain covering his recent book. Typical of Tyler it isn't the usual puff piece but he actually pokes for real substance.

http://www.monocle.com/sections/culture/Web-Articles/Alain-d...

⬐ oneplusone

Amazing talk.

⬐ ajaypopat

I've come to similar personal conclusions about what success means to me (although the speaker articulated it better I possibly could have).

The idea that you should define your success by what you are willing to lose/give up on resonated strongly with me. A few years back, I gave up a much better paying job and 'better' career prospects in the US after an Ivy League education, to move back home and stay closer to my dad (who'd just suffered a catastrophic stroke). While I might not be considered super successful in the popular sense, I've redefined the meaning of success for myself. I've realized I value relationships over traditional measures of success and I am willing to lose some of the latter to get more of the former.

Incidentally, this realization has been strangely liberating. I'm completely at ease at college reunions, even when I get the odd snicker from classmates who are more 'successful'.

I'd argue for some people the world is against them, it all boils down to random chance. Instead of poorly paraphrasing I will just link to this video which I believe sums it up nicely.

http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph...