HN Books @HNBooksMonth

1. ask questions and frame your thoughts as questions to others and be interested in the answers. my external confidence comes from my absolute confidence that I am sincerely interested.

2. Improv, or be funny.

3. Olivia Cabane's "The Charisma Myth" https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnet...

This book is not about technical management in particular, but it can help you a lot in understanding and dealing with people better, it's called The Charisma Myth: https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnet...

The book is an interesting read, but merely reading it won't do anything. There are one or two exercises per chapter, and you should work on them if you really want to see the benefits.

Also, if you want to do a little test before reading the whole book follow these tips from the intro:

> Three quick tips to boost charisma in conversation: Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of sentences, reduce how quickly and how often you nod, and pause for two full seconds before you speak.

From this summary: https://github.com/mgp/book-notes/blob/master/the-charisma-m...

I was in your place and slowly getting better where people actually say that they like interacting and talking with me. What really helped?

1. Meditation and specific one at that called - metta meditation. Most of the time issues lies with the fact that we as introverts feel unfulfilled and think something is wrong with us.

But, there is nothing wrong with us. This meditation helps with that and makes you realize that you are fine as they way you are.

2. Tiny habits:

One of the biggest problem for me was that I would wake up one day and barrel ahead trying to be another person. But the problem is you cannot change in a day. So, you try and try and eventually give up.

Then I read about BJ Fogg's research: https://www.tinyhabits.com/

And I took another route to thins. I wake up every day and take one thing and only one thing I want to do.

Let's say "small talk". Then I think of a person I can try this on. So, I set an intention to "small talk" once I meet this person. And because I am aware of this intention I tend to see how they react. Most of the time it's pleasant surprise which makes me feel good and helps reinforce the habit.

3. The mandatory book:

https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnet...

It has lots of techniques. So, take it slow. It can take sometime before you see the changes.

This is a great comment. I live in Seattle, and I think the Seattle Freeze is largely a tragedy of groupthink. If you want to break out, there are a ton of opportunities to learn about this city and meet interesting people. Here are a couple networks that might help someone get started:

https://www.facebook.com/SeattleSocialCircle/ https://theevergrey.com/

Getting out of my loneliness was a struggle at first, but after putting in some effort, I now have a great friendships that will last a lifetime. Not only do I feel comfortable meeting new people, but I really enjoy the process as well. Here are some books that have helped me break out of my "freeze" depression:

https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnet...

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenme...

YMMV, but putting in the effort to understand and connect with new personalities has greatly improved my life.

Read The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane <https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnet.... The myth is that charisma is "natural function of who they are." The reality is that charisma is a set of discrete behaviors, any of which can be analyzed and broken down into steps that anyone can learn.

As the Time article suggests, a huge part of charisma is being a good listener who genuinely makes a conversational partner feel valued. But being a good listener has many different variations and components. Obviously, there are the mechanical parts such as maintaining eye contact and not speaking over the other person. Then the active listening includes phrasing replies in a way that shows that you're empathetic and have actually heard what they've said. And then there's what you bring to the conversation: are you the kind of person who deeply groks what someone's saying and potentially builds on their thoughts to create something amazing in a conversational moment? Do you naturally exude authority about a subject or in a certain environment? Do you see the big picture in a way that inspires people to take their ideas to you to be told why what they're doing is important? Are you a kind, warm person who people open up to when they fear being judged by others?

Everyone has at least a little charisma. This book helps you find it and develop it.

haha exactly

in case anyone is interested in doing just that, http://www.amazon.com/The-Charisma-Myth-Personal-Magnetism/d...

⬐ tacon

The author gave a great talk in the Stanford Entrepreneurial Thought Leaders lecture series. She opens her talk with a delightful story about Marilyn Monroe, and the ability to flip charisma on and off like a light switch. Watch it and learn you some charisma.

http://ecorner.stanford.edu/videos/3005/Build-Your-Personal-...

My two go-to books on the subject, very complementary to each other, are:

- The charisma myth: http://www.amazon.com/The-Charisma-Myth-Personal-Magnetism/d...

- Make your contacts count: http://www.amazon.com/Make-Your-Contacts-Count-Networking/dp...

I just finished The Charisma Myth:

http://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magneti...

On audio book and immediately bought a physical copy. The book is filled with tips and tricks to increase your charisma that can be applied right away.

⬐ thirdtruck

Seconding. I found it an invaluable read, as well. It dispels quite a few invisible myths.

⬐ topherjaynes

Great book, author stopped by Stanford entrepreneurship class so you can watch her talk here http://ecorner.stanford.edu/authorMaterialInfo.html?mid=3005

3 simple tricks to be more charismatic. Are you ready?

Step 1. Breathe in and breathe out before you speak. The pause makes you more composed. Plus the speaker will think you are a good listener.

Step 2. Don't nod you head more than once per sentence when listening to other people. Too much head movement reflects insecurity and immaturity.

Step 3. Don't rise your inflection at the end of a sentence. Makes you sound like an insecure valley girl.

Source:

http://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magneti...

There are many factors. Mostly I would say it has to do with first acquiring the necessary self-confidence and then practicing a lot (which is also a big part of acquiring a lot of confidence).

A very good book, with lots of exercises (that you should practice often if you really want to get better) is The Charisma Myth (http://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magneti...).

Good luck in your learning journey!