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Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love

Amir Levine, Rachel Heller · 1 HN comments
HN Books has aggregated all Hacker News stories and comments that mention "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love" by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller.
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Amazon Summary
"A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship." --John Gray, PhD., bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
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Hacker News Stories and Comments

All the comments and stories posted to Hacker News that reference this book.
It's much worse than the article suggests. The article doesn't explain why people don't marry. People who marry before middle-age often have secure attachment styles. The dating pool from middle age on consists primarily of people with insecure attachment styles. Relationships with insecurely attached people are especially problematic. If you're not married, but want to be, look for widows or widowers with secure attachment styles, and work on developing secure attachment.

https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-You...

https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Disturbances-Adults-Treatm...

actually_a_dog
Do you have evidence for this besides 2 links to books on Amazon that I can't currently read? My searches aren't finding much in the way of papers and such.
cyberbanjo
Both are available on SCIHUB
kilroy123
This might be true but my gut and experience says it's way more complicated than that.
exporectomy
This stuff is awful. So many lives ruined by having it in either themselves or their spouse.
vernon99
This is actually a very good point often missed in similar discussions. People have different personalities and traumas and some are more suited for stable relations (what you call secure here) and some are less (anxious/avoidant types in this framework). And as you can imagine, more secure personalities find partners in life sooner.

Because of that both later age dating pool and also dating app pools are in general scewed towards insecure types. Doesn’t mean dating 20yo is a guarantee for a more stable person, but chances are generally higher.

On the other hand, I feel, security increases with the age, but for a very small portion of the population actively working on it (therapy, practices, ceremonies).

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