Hacker News Comments on
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love
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May 16, 2021
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getpost on
Peak non-creepy dating pool
It's much worse than the article suggests. The article doesn't explain why people don't marry. People who marry before middle-age often have secure attachment styles. The dating pool from middle age on consists primarily of people with insecure attachment styles. Relationships with insecurely attached people are especially problematic. If you're not married, but want to be, look for widows or widowers with secure attachment styles, and work on developing secure attachment.https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-You...
https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Disturbances-Adults-Treatm...
⬐ actually_a_dogDo you have evidence for this besides 2 links to books on Amazon that I can't currently read? My searches aren't finding much in the way of papers and such.⬐ cyberbanjo⬐ kilroy123Both are available on SCIHUBThis might be true but my gut and experience says it's way more complicated than that.⬐ exporectomyThis stuff is awful. So many lives ruined by having it in either themselves or their spouse.⬐ vernon99This is actually a very good point often missed in similar discussions. People have different personalities and traumas and some are more suited for stable relations (what you call secure here) and some are less (anxious/avoidant types in this framework). And as you can imagine, more secure personalities find partners in life sooner.Because of that both later age dating pool and also dating app pools are in general scewed towards insecure types. Doesn’t mean dating 20yo is a guarantee for a more stable person, but chances are generally higher.
On the other hand, I feel, security increases with the age, but for a very small portion of the population actively working on it (therapy, practices, ceremonies).