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How to Win Friends & Influence People

Dale Carnegie · 14 HN comments
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Amazon Summary
You can go after the job you want...and get it! You can take the job you have...and improve it! You can take any situation you're in...and make it work for you! For over 50 years the rock-solid, time-tested advice in this book has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives. Now this phenomenal book has been revised and updated to help readers achieve their maximum potential in the complex and competitive 90s! Learn: The six ways to make people like you The twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking The nine ways to change people without arousing resentment and much, much more!
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How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie has been recommended to me several times

Two recommendations if you want to learn more,

How to Win Friends and Influence People

and Romancing the Room

Both of these definitely helped a lot with my public speaking.

It really depends on what facet of business you think she'd be interested in.

To be honest I think better than any specific business resource out there would be to just get her on the path to building the core skills she'll use later on in life. She's already got that started with her vending business which is great. I think pushing her towards taking on some school activities may be great too. Things where she can help organize events and fundraisers and really contribute to a group.

As for my favorite books on business I would suggest for a 13 year old:

"Death by Meeting" The author describes a fictional company that is terrible at conducting meetings until the main character comes and helps address the issues. I know she's not really running meetings at the moment so this may be of less use to her until she has others working along side her.

I also agree that "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is an excellent book. I grew up with social anxiety disorder and it was one of the books that really broke me out of my shell and gave me the confidence to really push past it.

Another book I found pretty interesting was "Win the Crowd." While not a 'business' book, per se, it goes into how to really grab your audience's attention and hold it.

Lastly "Secrets of Powers Negotiating" is an interesting book I'd suggest she take a look at. There are endless applications to negotiation in business from sales to even negotiating your first salary.

Just some ideas -- hope it helps!

See "How to Win Friends and Influence People" for a more complete discussion on this technique :)

Check out Dale Carnegie's How to win friends and influence people. I was a skeptic at first, until I actually took the course.

To get someone to do something, you have to make them want to do it. That sounds pretty straightforward, but really, that's what it comes down to.

Others have suggested that at work, being a manager is the most straightforward way to make someone do something. That's because you have the authority to fire them if they don't.

You can influence people without being a manager though. Heard of the carrot and the stick? The carrot dictates that you can convince someone that something good will happen if they do something. "You might get promoted" or "I'll brag about you to the boss" or "I'll give you a cookie". An example of "the stick" would be if you threaten to complain about a peer to their boss that they're not doing their job.

Outside of work it's a lot trickier. If people think you'll do the work for them and they can just benefit, they're only too happy to go that route. You can appeal to their sense of guilt. "Hey Bob, remember last week when you said you'd send me a file? Just wanted to remind you". Appealing to their sense of justice works in some instances. The easiest way is if you can manage to get someone genuinely excited and then get them involved while the iron's hot.

If you get a chance, take the Dale Carnegie course. Read the book at least.

This reply isn't specifically to your post but the combined post to others who keep saying managers have the authority to do everything and thus get people to work.

What happens if your a manager that can't fire someone (e.g. government, tenure, etc)? There's a lot of managers out there who cannot fire people for one reason or a another yet they too manage to get their people to do stuff. To be fair though, a lot of them also have workers who don't listen to them at all but some of them still manage to get workers to do what they say.

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

When I read this book, the timing was perfect and I credit it with refocusing my mind when it comes to relationships. Critics usually say that it's all just common sense, and I would agree -- however, these critics miss the fact that common sense is rarely common practice.

I recall my first few interactions after reading the first half of the book, and the stuff works, plain and simple. I wanted to kick myself for being so oblivious.

It sounds like you are already aware of the importance of relationships, so I would say, give it a shot and don't get discouraged. With practice, it will become easier (almost second nature when you see how positive the results are). You can also find some great summaries of this book online. Due to an overwhelmingly positive experience with this book, I later searched for further reading on the topic and ended up with "Ethics for the New Millennium" by the Dalai Lama -- this book helped to bring into focus the underlying "truth" of "How to Win Friends & Influence People" and is a nice follow up... good luck! (Summary)

This is the only book I was going to recommend.

great summary.

Me too, came here to just to say this.
"How to Win Friends & Influence People"

I don't know if it's as "step-by-step" as you're looking for, but it's a classic and still quite popular -- I think it'll at least be a good starting point for you.

Thanks, I've actually read that one about a year ago and it's on my bookshelf. I think it was pretty good, but I felt it was a little outdated and the suggestions were all things I already knew.
The whole intro talks about you, and what you want, but not what value you offer to employers.

I offer my skill set and knowledge there of. My points I have made via the skills I have attained. I am trying to build my self up in front of employers. So they realize my confidence. Then I go into the details about my self...
I think what georgie is saying is that employers don't care about your skill set and knowledge, per se. They only care about what your skill set and knowledge can do for them.

Also, I second georgie's recommendation of How to Win Friends and Influence People. You can see a relevant section of the book here:

Click through to the next page too...

Risk aversion has been the focus of a few HN discussions recently:

This book also immediately came to mind (there are lots of great free summaries online):

It's probably nothing you haven't heard before, but as they say, common sense is often not common practice. I think, in the end, you will only improve and gain confidence with practice. Some specific tactics that might help:

- Ask leading questions rather than directly stating your point.

- Before a meeting, create a mental image of yourself having successful exchanges with the other attendees.

- Work hard to be better informed/prepared than others in the meeting.

Switch: How to Change When Change is Hard -- Chip and Dan Heath (

Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us -- Dan Pink (

Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? -- Seth Godin (

The Laws of Simplicity -- John Maeda (

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance -- Robert M. Persig (

Invisible Man -- Ralph Ellison (

How to Win Friends and Influence People -- Dale Carnegie (

The Kindle app has really got me buying a lot of books that I now need to finish...

Big -1 on How to Win Friends by Dale Carnegie

I think Franklin Covey's 7 Habits is much better in this regard

Might I recommend reading

It's helped me immensely in getting over my geekdom, and learning how to relate to people easier. Your mileage may vary.

On a related note, I've always thought a better title for "How to Win Friends and Influence People" would be, "How not to be an Asshole", or at least, "How to avoid acting like one."

"How to avoid acting like an asshole"

It has a nice ring to it.

- How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie - Beethoven As I Knew Him by Anton Felix Schindler - Soul Of A New Machine (It's about hardware!) and Mountains Beyond Mountains, both by Tracy Kidder - Eating Animals by Jonathan Safron Foer
How to Win Friends & Influence People ( - Seriously.
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