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Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen · 3 HN comments
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Amazon Summary
The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning We swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers—but also family, friends, and in-laws—they all have “suggestions” for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development—but we dread it and often dismiss it. That’s because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We do want to learn and grow. And we also want to be accepted just as we are right now. Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on. It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging, and offers a powerful framework to help us take on life’s blizzard of off-hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace. The business world spends billions of dollars and millions of hours each year teaching people how to give feedback more effectively. Stone and Heen argue that we’ve got it backwards and show us why the smart money is on educating r e ceivers— in the workplace and in personal relationships as well. Coauthors of the international bestseller Difficult Conversations, Stone and Heen have spent the last ten years working with businesses, nonprofits, governments, and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way. With humor and clarity, they blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical, hard-headed advice. The book is destined to become a classic in the world of leadership, organizational behavior, and education.
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Hacker News Stories and Comments

All the comments and stories posted to Hacker News that reference this book.
I used to be a boss like that. I thought people are always motivated to be better at their jobs. And that they are better at regulating their feelings. I was wildly wrong on both. Even though people learn that way, it is faster to impart learning by using slightly less confrontational approach. Specially if the relationship you are building is going to last more than a semester. I highly recommend reading https://www.amazon.com/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Wel... to everyone. It helped me enormously to receive and give feedback in way which was conducive to build a feedback loop where people actively sought feedback on their work and received it with much more open mind.
grawprog
Honestly, I wouldn't work for him again, but I did appreciate after the fact he meant well, at least that's how I've chosen to take it.
Sep 05, 2019 · vvanders on How to do a code review
Thanks For The Feedback[1] is a pretty decent book on the subject. Highly recommended if you're interested both in the mechanisms and improving how you receive/give feedback.

[1] https://www.amazon.com/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Wel...

The described sensitivity is easily related to by software engineers. It's often difficult to receive an annual review or feedback from code commits. It's a feeling of wanting feedback to continue growth, and fearing it due to sensitivity.

One book I've enjoyed which equips confidence is "Thanks for the Feedback." It's a book by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project.

Prepare to read one chapter every few days. It's a heavy read. Well written, it's an abundance of information: you may need to take time for brain rewiring as I did.

Amazon link:

Thanks for the Feedback - http://www.amazon.com/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Well...

treve
Sorry, but engineers are not artists. People need to stop elevating their profession and job titles to something they're not and take pride in what you actually are; which is pretty great in itself.
pekk
I don't know how elevated that is, you are an artist if you make art and art might be really simple.
tkmh
As Wendy Cope reminded us in Engineers' Corner.
pzone
I agree that it's very unlikely engineers are more sensitive than the average person, but engineers can also be highly sensitive and perhaps it's useful to provide some advice for handling career-specific situations.
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