HN Books @HNBooksMonth

(No idea whether you'll read this, but...)

> I know you're trying to come at this from a "things could be worse" perspective

Nope, not really, I get that it matters, and how it matters.

I have two related points:

1) It matters, but it definitely doesn't matter to the magnitude that you think it does, right now - it's just one of many factors that matter. Yep, you've lost this one, so rely on your other good areas and if it helps your mindset, find some others to optimise instead. (Like, lose weight, or get ripped, get a better tan, etc.)

2) More importantly, though, your response to losing your hair is self-sabotaging: by taking it so badly, and so obviously losing confidence as a result, you're massively exacerbating the effect. Your response to your hair-loss is what is causing "...pretty much social suicide" - not the hair loss itself.

One day, I suspect you'll come through how you're currently feeling (with or without therapy?) and you'll probably have forgotten this exchange, but you'll see I'm right. But given the fickle nature of confidence, I totally get that you can't believe that right now.

PS read The Game [0] - not for the PUA nonsense, but for Neil Strauss' account of losing his hair, and how his mentality changed about it over time.

--

(Also, as an aside, I really like your concept of 'pretty privilege'. My GF is a lot more attractive, and also a lot more immediately engaging, than me; it's been enlightening to watch how different her experience of the world is, to mine.)

[0] https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060554738

This. Seems like a few lines taken out of context, and you can make anything seem bad if you take it out of context.

Sex - Pull out your cock and put her hand on it. Remember, she is letting you do this because you have established yourself as a LEADER. Don't ask for permission, GRAB HER HAND, and put it right on your dick. - http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1dvnem/above_the_...

Sounds bad out of context sure, but in context he is talking about when you are about to have sex with the woman, in a private location (or whatever). You are in the act of it, not forcing yourself on a woman you just met in a bar.

Personally, I can see nothing wrong with this. Sure, the wording could possibly be better or less crass maybe, but if the book was to go to publish then there would be the time to go through that phase. All books go through edits.

Usual overreaction to everything that may seem slightly anti-feminist.

As josh2600 says above, there are similar books to this already, maybe we should start rallying Amazon et al too?

http://www.amazon.com/The-Game-Penetrating-Society-Artists/d... http://www.amazon.com/The-Pickup-Artist-Improved-Seduction/d... http://www.themysterymethod.com/

This might sound odd, but try reading The Game by Neil Strauss: http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artist... . It's superficially about how to pick up women, but a lot of it is actually about how to understand social life, what incentives operate on people, and what kinds of things most "normal" (for lack of a better word) people like. Don't use "negs," don't get too wrapped up in his questionable tales of sexual bravado, but do consider what he writes about how to understand the world.

⬐ gs7

Thanks, I'll check it out!

⬐ sid6376

I just suggested the first exercise from there as something the OP might try out. :)

http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/0060554738

If it doesn't help, at least you'll be entertained:

http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artist...

⬐ pkaler

Please, no. That is a well-written book for the most part, but don't take the antics as actual advice.

⬐ fallentimes

Yeah, it was said tongue in cheek. It truly is a hilarious read though.

⬐ None

None

⬐ gruseom

I was at a workshop a couple of years ago where an attendee happened to be (I found out later) one of the pick-up artists from this book. Thinking about him still gives me the creeps.

⬐ marvin

People who give me the creeps are always intriguing. Could you elaborate?

Seriously, bulk up, dress up, and use your geek-built analytical skills to do well in the social scene. Nice thing about high school is that nobody's really any good at that stuff yet, so climbing the curve is a matter of just getting out there & trying it. Everyone fucks it up constantly, so it's just a matter of hit rate. And getting some big knock downs is a plus here: tough skin later on's absolutely wonderful.

It's pretty liberating to pwn both worlds. B/c once you realize you're not limited to other people's pigeonholes (OPP), you look at the world differently.

For a good look on how not to do it, look up "The Game" By Neil Strauss. http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artist...

Free 10-day Buddhist meditation retreats, incl. room & board, at one of the many Vipassana Meditation Centers world-wide (http://www.dhamma.org). Very old-school; the real deal.

The Goal, by Eliyahu Goldratt (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0884270610). Most real-world systems have a single constraint that limit the system's ability to achieve goal units. The best way to improve the system is to (0) define the system's owners and their goal for the system, (1) identify the constraint (2) improve the situation at the constraint in a way that does not require significant investment; (3) if the improvement resulting from the previous is not sufficient, decide how to improve the constraint in a way that does require significant investment; (4) subordinate everything else in the system to the decision arrived at in the previous step; (5) start over at step 1.

The Game, by Neil Strauss (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060554738)

⬐ doubleplus

Thanks a bunch for that dhamma.org link. I was just bitching the other day about how charging $200 for weekend retreats keeps Buddhism on the fringes here.

⬐ inovica

dhamma.org looks great. Just got to find the time to do one of these 10-day courses. They look intense from what I've been reading, but I think I'd really benefit. Did you do one of them?

⬐ bumbledraven

They intense and worthwhile. I did my first one back in high school.

http://novemberfive.blogspot.com/2007/11/ten-days-story-of-m...

⬐ duke

dhamma.org is also interesting from business model point of view.. the system will not accept pay from newbies; you can only pay after you pay your dues (sit down and shut up for 10 days straight).. you might think b) people would game the system for free room/board or a) this can't scale.. but the facts prove otherwise:

from a little center started in lates 60's, in india, now there are hundreds of centers around the world.. when i got to mexico in late 2005, there was one center, now there are three.. the system is growing.. people tend to pay after they get the goods, because it feels good and right..